This year has been a wild ride. Lee Harrington’s reflection post on FetLife was very touching. I was moved to write my own reflection and goal setting post following a similar format.
Reflecting on 2019
My experience at MTTA Male slave Weekend will forever be prominent in my memory. For those unfamiliar, this is an intense weekend for slaves filled with classes and other experiences. I deeply bonded with my fellow students and felt affirmed as a slave.
One of my worries in identifying as a slave was my perception that slaves had to suppress their personality in order to be good slaves. At MTTA, despite all of the classes and events, I learned the most from being around the sassiest and funniest woman I have ever met, slave jenna. Being around her, I learned that slaves with big personalities exist and can be successful as well as respected by the M/s community!
It’s surprising for people in our local kink community to hear that I’ve been serving Miss Vanessa for three years, and I have yet to wear her collar of ownership. We began with a quite casual puppy play relationship, then progressed to service, S&M, and rope bondage. I remember when she asked me to bottom for the small private rope class she was teaching in January. It was a show of commitment and respect.
This year right before I attended MTTA, Miss Vanessa and her partner moved in with my husband and I. The four of us agreed that we only wanted to do so if it would feel like a chosen family in one house, not just roommates. That decision allowed Miss Vanessa and me to become amazingly close, as I could serve her every day and we could play without driving 30 minutes each way. We are at a point where she’s looking at collars of consideration. I feel so lucky to develop such a powerful relationship with an incredible woman.
I started experiencing intense pain in February. As a teen, I’d often struggled with painful periods, but I hadn’t had a period or related because I’ve been on Nexplanon since 2016. We began to suspect that I had endometriosis. This was a very difficult time, not only due to the pain but because of my medical trauma. I’m constantly worried about not being believed, especially when I’m speaking about invisible symptoms. After I few dead ends, I found a gynecological surgeon that is incredibly supportive, trans-friendly, and kind.
In May, I had my first surgery, a laparoscopy, and my surgeon discovered that I had severe endometriosis – I have probably had it since I was a teen. April and May were incredibly difficult due to the pain of the endo, then the pain of recovery. Miss Vanessa and my husband Chris were incredibly understanding and helpful during these times.
Goals for 2020
Some people create a word to focus on every year, perhaps something exciting or motivational. My word for 2020 isn’t exactly exciting, but I know it will help me grow: Consistency. I know I have the skills I need to succeed. I mean, I wrote erotica that got 500 hits in one day! What I need to be successful is to be consistent. With that in mind, I plan to post a blog post twice a week. I want to share my knowledge, experience, and yes, erotic fantasies with the world.
Secondly, Miss Vanessa and I have been working on a group idea since February 2019. Due to several factors, it’s been sidetracked several times, but we finally have this project on our front burner. We hope to create a local group for people who want to learn service skills and socialize with other service-oriented folks. We have tons of ideas for events, and we’re making these ideas reality by launching in February. My goal is to have a successful launch of Learning Service Together: Orlando. I’ll reassess my future goals about the project after the launch!
Finally my most ephemeral goal: I’d like to be seen as a gentleman by people in the kink community. In my mind, that means several things. My vision of a kinky gentleman is well-dressed when making public appearances. For me, that would include attire that makes it clear that I’m a servant. A kinky gentleman is kind, considerate, and helpful to others, even those he does not know. That doesn’t mean he avoids talking about sex and kink openly, but a kinky gentleman knows that every discussion has its time and place. Most importantly, my version of a kinky gentleman consistently demonstrates through his words and actions that he is reliable, honest, and worthy of respect. A tall order, huh?
This year is going to be wonderful – and difficult. I’ve chosen to challenge myself quite a bit, and I’m sure that I will continue to grow because of that choice.