I started this blog at the beginning of this year, and while I’ve had some pretty good reasons for neglecting it lately, I want to explain now why I started this project. My obvious goal is to explain to any future (or current) readers why I have invested time here, but the real reason is to motivate myself.
As someone who has struggled with mental illness quite a bit in my life, energy to keep projects afloat is inconsistent at best, nonexistent at worst. After I stopped working on this blog, every time I thought about writing again, I felt that I needed an acceptable reason, excuse really, as to why I hadn’t updated in so long. Often I worried if I had nothing specific to teach that I was wasting people’s time. I didn’t have all of the answers! Sometimes my thoughts were a jumbled mess and my attempt at education ends with me throwing my hands in the air and going back to bed. Every month that passed without updating this blog, the idea of a good excuse, the mighty return becomes more and more intimidating. How would I excuse six months of absence?
I was recently speaking to a woman at a local Waffle House after a night at The Woodshed. She was asking me about my life, and while this has always made me uncomfortable, I did find that it’s sometimes important to get a kick in the head.
She asked me why I started this blog. Of course, I had to think about it. I knew, at the time, that I would be writing for people like me. I had several questions that I couldn’t find the answers to, and I figured that if I needed questions answered, so did other people.
I’m writing for me.
For the person that needed answers about the intersection of polyamory and power dynamics.
For the person who needed answers on how to accommodate sex when living with multiple disabilities
When I think about this, the pressure to have educational takeaways from every single post looms over me. Thinking back, my past self needed those emotional rambles, too. He needed to know that he wasn’t the only person struggling with an issue. He needed the smut to know that he wasn’t the only weirdo getting off on this stuff. I will be the person I needed.
I will be writing again – and I’m doing it for me.